Waiting and Preparing

THE TIME between DTC and travel to China was approved is very long. The challenge for both girls was to pace ourselves to avoid getting overwhelmed at the last moment or early in the waiting period. Given the expectation of waiting several months, we worked to prepare ourselves, our family and friends, and the house a little at a time.

The Name Game: Sydney
We felt confident that we'd receive a little girl from China. After all, almost all children adopted from China are little girls. We faced the usual challenge of naming; but added to the usual challenge was the question of how much of a connection our daughter's name would have with the land of her birth. The question is difficult; after all, China was the place where our daughter was abandoned. That's not a happy connection! On the other hand, our daughter will always be Chinese by birth, so the connection remains whether happy or not.

We decided to await our referral to find out if we wanted to use her Chinese name as her middle name, but we chose to give her an American first name. We tried out lots of names, but finally decided on Sydney.

Since we postponed given Sydney a middle name until after recieving our referral, we anticipated a second part of the name game continuing later in the process. Indeed, that's what happened. Once Sydney's referral arrived, we decided to ask a Chinese friend to help us identify part of her name. Sydney's grandparents chose "Grace" as her English middle name; we asked our Chinese friend to translate "grace" into Chinese, then include something auspicious that indicates the miracle Sydney was. As a result, Sydney's full name includes YaQi, a name that represents "grace" and "auspiciousness." The characters of Sydney's Chinese name appear to the left. Her full name is Sydney Grace YaQi Hocutt.

The Name Game: Emily
For our second daughter, we struggled even more than for our first daughter to find an appropriate American name. We intended to follow the same pattern for naming - ask the grandparents to identify an American middle name, identify an American first name, and ask our Chinese friend to help us translate part of her American middle name into Chinese. But we also wanted to await referral to determine if we wanted to include any part of her orphanage-assigned Chinese name.

After much deliberation, we selected "Emily" as her first name, and the grandparents chose "Faith" as her middle name. And we've decided to retain Emily's Chinese name, Lin Hui, in her English name. We were surprised that she had only a Chinese surname and first name, not a Chinese middle name. We don't know the full meaning of her name yet, but we do know that "Hui" means sunlight or sunshine. The name is fitting, and so Emily's full name is Emily Faith LinHui Hocutt. The characters of Emily's Chinese name appear to the left.

Nursery and Supplies
Like every other first-time parent, we were excited about painting and furnishing the nursery. The challenge became to postpone each step of the process to avoid staring at a finished nursery and toys for too long before the arrival of our daughter. So we paced ourselves -- we painted the nursery about two months early, we received all of the furnishings about a month ahead of Sydney, and we purchased some toys, some clothes, and some other baby supplies from time to time. Every purchase reminded us of the wait, so sometimes it was easier to skip the toy section in the department stores!

For Emily, many of these decisions were made for us. We already have baby furniture, we already have tons of clothes, and, until we know Emily's age, we don't know what kind of supplies she will need. However, we chose to purchase a new house with a separate room for Emily, so we did have to choose the paint color and decorating pattern for the nursery. How's that for baby shopping!

SARS: Helps and Hurts
With the outbreak of SARS, we realized how interconnected our world has become. Imagine that a disease outbreak in China could affect us in the United States so directly! We expected a considerable delay in processing of adoptions, especially once the CCAA stopped issuing matches until the outbreak could be curbed. Our first mass message to friends and family came once CCAA made its decision; we realized our adoption plans could be seriously affected, both by postponement and the possiblity of contracting the disease ourselves once we traveled to China.

The result, however, ended up working in our favor. While our hearts go out to those whose loved ones became ill and died as a result of SARS, once the outbreak was contained, the Chinese government worked extra hard to match a backlog of adoptees to adopting parents. In the end, we believe our adoption came through more quickly than expected because of the increased speed with which the CCAA made matches following the SARS outbreak.

As we approach Emily's DTC date, we believe we have the SARS outbreak, China's membership in the World Trade Organization, and Beijing's hosting of the 2008 Olympics to thank for speeding the matching process. Since we started the adoption process for Sydney, the estimated time between DTC to referral has dwindled from 12-14 months to the current estimate of 5-6 months. The average age of children adopted from China has also decreased; Sydney was 13 months old when we adopted her, while Emily will be around 11 months old when we adopt her.

Support Groups: Pros and Cons
CCAI encouraged us to consider meeting and visiting with other CCAI adoptive families in our region, and to consider joining email lists of adoptive families. We joined two listservs for CCAI families: one a general list for adoptive and waiting families, the other for those currently involved in the paper chase.

These groups offered support, a place to ask questions, and education about the vocabulary of adoption. These all helped us make sense of the paper chase and long process.

However, these groups also provided a forum for expressing justifiable frustration and anger, especially during the waiting period. As a waiting family, these posts began overwhelming. Disconnecting from the lists from time to time and visiting with adoptive families helped temper the frustration vented in the list.

All in all, these listservs are convenient and supportive forums for getting questions answered. But trust the adoption agency to provide you authoritative and objective answers to questions.

As we've been involved in Emily's adoption process, we have relied a great deal less on the listservs, choosing instead to listen carefully to the estimates and advice offered by CCAI. However, understanding the slant the lists can sometimes have, we have enjoyed getting to know others participating in the process through the lists this time around.

Bird Flu: Will it Affect Us?
As we prepare to travel to China to adopt Emily, we are unclear about whether bird flu fears will cause delays or tighten travel health restrictions. We'll wait and see - and we'll be sure to take plenty of fever reducers, just in case!

Adopting Sydney & Emily »